I fucked up.
I rode the high of completing a half marathon in less than two hours for about six days. Then shit hit the fan. My body broke. My knee is in a ton of pain, I don’t want to work out, I’m exhausted, I don’t feel well, work is ROUGH, and a bunch of other dumb shit. A few weeks ago, Jay said that the half marathon could be the dagger that keeps one of us from finishing Ironman and I’m terrified of it coming true. I backed it the hell off after I crossed that finish line and now I’m scared I’ll never get back on board.
Friday and Saturday became rest days as I had a tennis tournament to coach and some friends to meet at their new home. Living life comes first always. Sunday was supposed to be my first tri attempt. 750 yards of swimming, 22 miles biking, and a 5k run. I made it 300 yards into my swim before my head started to pound. I decided it must be my swim cap and goggles, so I adjusted them and kept going. By the time I got out of the water (I was at like 17:50 or so), I couldn’t even see my head hurt so bad. I threw up from the pain and barely made it home. Down for the count. Monday I redeemed myself by doing a brick of 22 miles on the bike and a 5k. I kept my heart rate low and felt great physically afterward. However, I’m learning that eating immediately post-workout is NOT in the cards for me. Tuesday? Didn’t do much. Wednesday? Kind of worked out with rowing and T2B. Today? Kind of half-assed a tabata and biked 3.1 miles. I definitely failed in terms of achieving what I needed to this week, but I moved. I guess that’s a positive.
The other day I was laying around the house and I was bitching about something (not abnormal, but more negative than usual). My mom finally said, “WHERE IS THE GIRL FROM THE BLOG?” (Referring to last week’s…hi, mom. Sorry I swear so much.) And it got me thinking…where did she go? Where did my why go? What am I doing? What’s the point? I haven’t forgotten why I started. I haven’t forgotten that I’m really strong. I’m just tired. There are so many peaks and valleys throughout this process—way more than I thought. Like I said in a previous blog, I was ignorant as hell to think this journey would be easy.
For the next few days, I’m going to go with what feels good at a pace that feels good until I mentally feel ready to get back to it. While I may not be the most positive at this moment, I’ll get back to it. I’m just hanging out in a valley for a minute to rest before I climb more mountains.